Mark of the Beast

Kenny Star vs Derrick Cole, Match 666 (UCW)

I know 666 is a great match because before my first viewing ended I realized that, if I were much younger, I would like to fight either of these wrestlers in a match just like this. And if I had to pack for a mission to Mars tomorrow, I would include it among the ten-video limit for space flight, especially, especially, the last half. I emphasize especially  because from the 15-minute mark on I could have emptied my sack once a minute for the rest of the contest, had I the nuts to reboot that fast (I like my metaphors like I like my nuts - salty and mixed).

Derrick Cole is the world's greatest daddy on Facebook - I say that sincerely - but in the ring he is the spawn of Satan. Damien Derrick is brilliant at being not worth the bullet it would take to kill him, and my takeaway fantasy is to have him shouting "You're a pussy girl" right in my ear while binding me in a stepover armlock camel clutch (which verges on what he does to Kenny at the match's midpoint - and, yes, I do have easily detectable masochistic tendencies - yet I would gladly do the same to Kenny or Derrick if either asked me to).

Kenny Star ensures that this is not the one-sided match that it appears to be at first. Kenny tends to have a dazed look in front of the camera even when he isn't dazed. He plays the earnest good guy here like he's Peter Parker or something. But after Derrick succeeds in pushing all the right buttons, Kenny fights back with all the tenacity of a cornered coyote. It's beautiful. He doesn't have the lustful leer that Derrick has when he's hurting somebody, but he does have a grim look of satisfaction on his face, which is almost as good.

The match is not without flaws, but I don't think I exaggerate in extolling its greatness. Its finest moments more than compensate for the moments that slightly sag (mostly in the first half). Derrick is amazing, and his masked alter ego is catching fire on the indie circuit. I've known that Kenny is a good thing from the moment I first saw him in 2015 up against another UCW scenery-chewer, Quinn Harper (now retired, I'm told). In my review of that match I must have engaged my prophetic abilities because it foretells this very match - four years ago

- so fuckin' LISTEN when I tell you this shit.

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