Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Knock Outs (DVD Review)


This new DVD from BG East is, at first glance, a collection of squash jobs. These three matches pit fighters with superior knowledge of holds and superior (if that’s the word) sadism against fit, nimble guys who clearly have ability and heart, just not necessarily enough to win against these opponents.  The jobbers are out-flexed and out-maneuvered—but their gift, of course, is selling the pain.

The first match up is blond Caleb Brand versus Velvet Revolver.  Both wrestlers have nice bulges even before the action starts.  Brand wears metallic baby-blue square cuts, a color suggesting an innocence and gentility that Brand clearly lacks.  He bites, twists, and bends his opponent and doesn’t stop even when the bell signals the end of a round. 

His adversary wears his hennaed hair emo style and briefs apparently made of velvet (very hot), the same shade of rust red as an old velvet antimacassar my grandmother left me—and now I will never be able to look at that memento the same way again.

For my money, the first contest is the reason to buy (or just look at) this DVD.



This match squeezed it out of me, just as Brand squeezes Revolver in one slow, agonizing hold after another.  These pros don’t avoid extended body contact by eternally taking fancy dives off top ropes or throwing fake punches that land in the air on the non-camera side of an opponent’s face.  On the other hand, they don’t just loll around on the mat frotting themselves into a frenzy either. 

Brand knows some moves, and he transitions from one to the next with the calm assurance of a circus juggler moving from eggs to melons to knives to flaming torches.  And if this match is pretty much a glorified spotfest, you won’t hear a word of complaint about it from me.

The fighters in the second match, Cameron Mathews and Kirby Stone, are a bit more evenly matched up.  Both are built like farmhands, strong natural bodies with elegant curves, with pinchable areas of fat over hard muscle. 



Mathews is leaner, with more experience and ring savvy.  His bony face, handsomely angular, looks like it should belong to the greenhorn lieutenant in an old Hollywood war movie. It appears obvious from the start, it’s he, in his red and white tights, with his constant banter, who will control the slightly heavier Stone with the milky skin and the pink and black tights. 

From his first takedown, Mathews moves like a wrangler taking down a lassoed calf at the rodeo.  But Stone is not so easily taken, it turns out, and this match has more give and take than the first.  What looks predetermined in the first ten minutes quickly becomes questionable for the rest of the match.  The dramatic continuity hangs on Mathews’ relentless working of Stone’s left leg, and his ability to find a variety of ways to attack it. 



Stone, who shows great resilience here, seems reluctant at times to move the storyline on to its next level and sometimes looks too concerned with how the camera is catching the action.  Mathews, though, is as impressive here as I’ve ever seen him. 



Stone Whitman, in the third match, is the reason my attention was drawn to this DVD.  The setup appears at first to be a classic David-and-Goliath story, with the smaller Whitman up against Donnie Drake, a bodybuilder.  Alone in the ring, Whitman warms up with lithe, fast kicks.  He looks good.  But all bets are off when Drake enters the ring.  Drake’s not only bigger but also meaner.



The title, Knock Outs, refers not just to the endpoints of these matches but also to the fighters’ looks. For me, and I can only speak for me and my tastes, the best of the lot is Caleb Brand, beating the shit out of Velvet Revolver, over and over again, as I already said.  Brand is good looking without being exactly pretty.  He’s the classic suntanned blond heel.  His cruel streak and indefatigable arrogance are the main turn-ons for me. 



Velvet Revolver is a perfect foil, too, cute as a teen pop star and willing and able to take truckloads of punishment.  It’s his suffering, as much as Brand’s knowledge of punishing holds, that sells the match for me.  

Final summation?  Lots of nice butt on display in tight trunks.  Perfect wrestling body types (as opposed to Men’s Fitness perfection).  Lots of abdominal stretches, always nice.  And a couple of exciting slugfests outside the ring.

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