Sunday, May 1, 2011

Nuts and Jolts


This is for Chris, who asked for it.

The beauty of UCW-Wrestling stems from the wild abandon of (mostly) skinny young dudes who like to give and take unpulled punches to the abs, ruthless wedgies up the ass crack, and cataclysmic kicks to the nards.  If the company has carved a niche for itself over the past two years, this is it.  You won't find these raw assaults performed with more verve at any other wrestling promotion.

Sure, the production values are low.  Yet the blue plastic sheets surrounding the small mat have integrity.  Of course, I'm all in favor of the company moving forward and on to new and better things.  I even made a small donation to its fund for a proper pro-style ring a while back.  But mark my words:  The day will come when these early matches, for all their amateurism, for all their makeshift art direction, will be celebrated as the "punk era" of homo-kink-wrestling.  A "tasteful" mainstream presentation might diminish the visceral shock of the wrestlers' continuous and brutal strikes upon each other's person.


Anyone who has seen Young Frankenstein knows that a blow to the groin triggers an involuntary reflex--knees up and shoulders scrunched.  The psychological terror we males associate with a kick to the nuts stems from our firsthand experience of the pain involved--so excruciating that we "feel" it even when it happens to somebody else.  The terror stems as well, arguably, from insecurities about libido and virility.  A low blow is deemed so dastardly that it is forbidden by not only the rulebooks of most combat sports but also by the bible.  A woman who uses it, even in the defense of her husband's life, is condemned to have her hand cut off (Deut. 25.11-12), without pity.

So communal wincing is one form of collective experience evolutionarily hardwired into human males.  When the guys at UCW slam their feet to each other's knapsack, they can expect both their adversary and the boys watching on their laptops to react vehemently.  For home viewers, it's like 3-D for C-nerve fibers.

We all know the racking pain from experience.  Our genitals are the one organ we men have to learn to protect, through trial and error, because, unlike other organs, they're external.  The genitalia, especially the head of the penis in males and the clitoris in females, contain higher concentrations of nerves than other body parts, hence the higher concentrations of pain and pleasure.  The vulva, being interior, is better guarded by muscle and bone than the cock and balls.  By the same token, the spongy flexibility and scoot-ability of a man's stuff, along with those involuntary reflexes and the hastily learned heedfulness just mentioned,  serve as its best defense and make a direct hit rare.


Over the years, UCW has introduced at least two wrestlers to capture fans' imaginations and distinguish themselves in the pantheon of kink-wrestlers.  Axel, the punisher of bullies, has become an icon not only at UCW but also at other promotions, under other names.  Noble, earnest, soft-spoken, and good.  Joker, the anti-Axel in every respect, is a particular favorite of mine and others because he's a crazy motherfucker with an unstoppable yap.  Hardly anything pleases me more than to see somebody wipe up the mat with Joker--and he knows it, too.

A third wrestler, though, deserves more attention than he usually gets:  Klown.  Klown is a deceptively quiet sadist in most of his matches with UCW.  He's been particularly mean to Axel.  He's sort of a stealth heel--in fact, my general impression of Klown has till recently been as a basically decent competitor who keeps his hands fairly clean.  Yet, as these pictures attest, he's boss Bodyslam's goto guy when somebody's family jewels need smashing.  And Klown does the honors with no hint of human compassion, making him the bad boy with perhaps the iciest veins in wrestling.

But, hey, Mister Klown, what goes around often does come around ... and payback is a bitch!


(Like these screen caps?  See the matches--140, 107, 116--in their entirety here.)

2 comments:

  1. can u put up something like this for thunders arena big sexy

    ReplyDelete
  2. There is, of course, a predecessor and precedent to this group with at least as much verve, panache, aplomb, originality and pesonality - and they did it 20 years ago... BG East called them The Bratpack

    ReplyDelete

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