"Hasta la Vista, You Fuck!"
Here is my post-mortem on Wrestlemaniac—One. I liked the
vintage lucha libre footage that plays behind the opening credits. Two. Great mariachi music. Three. Adam Huss presents a fairly engaging
facsimile of Colin Farrell imitating Eli Roth doing his best Kevin Bacon impression. Four. Direction and acting are
pretty much on the level of a college sophomore video project—okay, a little
better than that, but the less you expect of this movie the better prepared you will be for
what it is. Five. I want the big guy’s yellow lucha mask. Six. For a horror
movie, this one fails big in the “atmosphere” department. Like, there is none.
This is mainly a problem with its post-production. Like, there is none. Seven.
Other commenters’ comparisons to Scooby Doo are well founded, especially in the
film’s dialogue—lots of exposition that nobody could possibly care about.
Eight. This movie could contain the least convincing scene of somebody snorting
cocaine ever … twice. Nine. It’s hard to imagine a single slasher-movie cliché this movie has overlooked—the only thing the film makers missed was shooting this with
a shaky video camera as a faux documentary. Ten. I might be interested in seeing hairy-chested
Adam in a wrestling match. It doesn’t happen. Eleven. The killer’s first kill is totally expected. See if you can beat your friends in spotting the most expendable character. Twelve. I picked up on the
Vorhees reference. Appreciated.
Thirteen. The killer’s second kill features some body slams (sort of) and our first
look at Rey Misterio as the killer. Fourteen. After the second kill, we get
even more exposition—this time on a tape recorder, in Spanish—and still it’s
hard to care very much. Though here we find out that the killer’s MO derives
from the rules of lucha libre—sort of like Dr. Phibes’ use of the ten plagues
of the Book of Exodus or, in Se7en, John Doe’s use of the seven deadly sins,
but, disappointingly, there's only one rule in lucha libre. Fifteen. There is a
wrestling ring! Here’s where it gets semi-good. Nice back breaker. Yes,
literally, the back is snapped in two. Sixteen. So bad it is almost good, perhaps. But mostly so bad it
is pretty much just bad. Watch with mucho bottles of XX with tequila shooters.
Comments
Post a Comment