Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Resolutions 2012 (Procrastinators Edition, Part One)

It's long been a tradition for some heels to deliberately postpone their ring entrances to psych opponents out. In the 1940s Gorgeous George sent his valet before him to perfume the mat (and the opponent) before he deigned to step one foot through the ropes. Taking his sweet time in getting the match started did nothing to endear him to the anxious and ready fans either. But it gave the babyface a few minutes to chomp at the bit, pacing like a hungry lion, a grim virile fire in his eyes, testy about having to wait on the glamorous and cunning latecomer, and by the time the bell sounded everybody in the house was thirsty for whoop-ass. Not everybody on this list is a heel or a procrastinator. But due to email snafus, miscommunication, or, yes, procrastination, everybody here got his resolution to me too late to make Sunday morning's list. Besides, it's going to be a big year, a day longer than most years, so for some of us maybe it requires a little extra time to choose just the right resolution.


"To explore working with more indy feds in my part of Canada and to commence an online wrestling fed (video based) devoted to a more classic style of pro wrestling, for which there is a very big audience. Fans are missing the old school way of working."--Scott McEwan, aka Sgt Dickson at Classic Championship Wrestling



"Number 1 resolution is to continue to beat the shit out of the pretty boys and the Abercrombie wannabes. We still have way too many douche-bags on the streets.
Number 2 is to get a few tats. I gotta represent.
Number 3, pack on a few more pounds. I refuse to get fat or develop a pretty-boy complex, but adding some beef in the gym can help me out better in the ring and out on the streets.
Number 4, do some other competitions. Plenty of other dudes outside of Rock Hard Wrestling that need a pounding. Who knows, maybe get myself some new bling from the wins.
Number 5, get laid. No explanation needed.
Number 6, continue to kick ass on Rock Hard Wrestling.
Number 7, get myself a good tag-team partner.
Number 8, kick ass in school.
Number 9, get myself an apprentice. I can't let all my talent stop with me.
Number 10, start learning a new fight sport. Learn even more ways to destroy my opponents!"
--Ethan Andrews at Rock Hard Wrestling



"If I have to make a resolution, it's not to be late. Other than that, maybe after a hard year working, trying to focus back in on my wrestling."--Ringkid at Bulldog Wrestling UK



"In 2012 I want to work on getting my legs bigger. I already do 500 sit-ups every other day to keep my abs, so now I gotta work on my diet and eat more to build muscle. Most people don't realize I only eat two meals a day. It's my secret to keeping my abs, plus one extra meal late night from Taco Bell if I'm hungry after dancing."--Z-Man at Thunder's Arena

[Item removed by request.]


"I'm already the best in Thunder's Arena, the best abs, the best butt--there is nothing to improve upon perfection, baby!"--Eric Fury at Thunder's Arena



"I want to work on my English better. I honestly thought I looked fat in my first matches for Thunder's Arena. I know I can have better abs and more cuts when I get my diet spot on. So my goal is to clean up my diet and have Mr Mike film me when I think I look ripped."--Boxxy at Thunder's Arena



"Nobody knows that, even though I have a punk look, I like to volunteer and help people. I'm actually going to school to be a nurse, so I hope for better grades this year. I hope to make more time for my charities and to better my skills as a wrestler so I can take on Big Sexy and smash him. I think he's too cocky and needs to be taken down a few pegs by a smaller guy. I want to teach him that not all small guys can get dominated by a jerk like him. Some smaller guys can destroy bigger guys. I'm going to be one of them."--Lex at Thunder's Arena



"I'm tired of being the smallest guy in the show. I have been lifting hard, and I want to add 30 pounds of muscle so I can go from 135 to 165 pounds for the show."--Angel at Thunder's Arena



"I'm getting too old to wrestle as much, so this year I hope to start a male strip club in New York, then recruit the guys from Thunder's Arena to be my dancers."--Cage at Thunder's Arena



"I want to get HUGE! I want to piledrive Cage in a match and destroy Mario. I want to sit on his head and humiliate him in a No Holds Barred match. I'm not going to lose this year. This is the year of payback! Pee Wee's revenge!"--Pee Wee at Thunder's Arena



"Get some help running the site so I can have fun again with the wrestlers by doing a match or two." BodySlam at UCW


"Get up the nerve to lose the pants."--James the Never Give Up Kid at UCW



"To talk BodySlam into installing a stripper pole in the mat area so I can show off all my moves."--Crazy Kevin at UCW



"Get back the belt and keep it! Get even with Santos! Embarrass Aron on camera! Steal Joker's girlfriend and his boyfriend! Get those pants off James! Take Joker's Speedos off him and sell them on eBay! And help Crazy Kevin get that pole; it sounds like fun! Wait, you only wanted one?"--Axel at UCW



"Take down Corporal Punishment."--Stay*c Adams at UCW



"To take all of the UCW fans ... (halfway there)!"--Aron at UCW



"To be the UCW's 'All Star Champion.'"--Corporal Punishment at UCW

4 comments:

  1. "...so now I gotta work on my diet and eat more to build muscle." -- Z-Man at Thunder's Arena
    Zack, how can you improve on perfection? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. "I got the new hair now--Wait till you see my new bigger body the end of this year!"--Big Sexy at Thunder's Arena
    Love the new hair, can't wait to see the new body! Not that there's anything wrong with the current body... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. "I'm already the best... the best abs, the best butt..." -- Eric Fury at Thunder's Arena
    Gotta love Eric... and his best asset! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. "I honestly thought I looked fat in my first matches... So my goal is to clean up my diet and have Mr Mike film me when I think I look ripped."--Boxxy at Thunder's Arena
    Boxxy, no way do you look fat but can't wait to see you looking more ripped. Didn't think you could get any hotter! ;)

    ReplyDelete

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