Saturday, March 30, 2013

Giant Slayer








Just released on DVD, The Three Stages of Jonny is BG East's tribute to its "resident badass" Jonny Firestorm in a trio of matches representing key turning points in Jonny's career. The middle sequence appeared early on The Arena at BG East Wrestling, BGE's subscription site. It features Firestorm, already in full possession of his heel status (with hairy chest and who-gives-a-fuck gut to match), going up against Paladin, who outweighs Jonny by 65 pounds and looms 13 inches over him.

Originally a masked wrestler, Paladin was unmasked in his debut match (Masked Mayhem 5) by Joe Robbins. Whether it was this humiliation or "creative differences" that sent this towering indy pro skedaddling, I have no idea, but I haven't seen him since. The tall, lithe, squinty-eyed rookie exudes hotness, though he also gives off an air of haughty contempt and smug intolerance. On all counts, I'm glad to see him back in the ring to get his ass handed to him once more.

To say the obvious, it seems very improbable that Firestorm, at a point in his life when he seldom darkened the doorway to a gym, would be capable of besting a bigger wrestler, who besides having pro ring experience is also "younger, faster, and in better condition" (as Paladin disdainfully points out). Fans disagree, of course, but I've always felt that Jonny played the David-and-Goliath gimmick with total conviction. It's a measure of how strongly I admire him as a wrestler that I'm pretty sure I'd believe he could beat up six-foot-sixers like Paladin in the real world and on the block where I live just as easily as he does in the squared circle.

This is a sexy match. Paladin is sexy. Watching Jonny ream him is sexy. Figuratively speaking, of course. The actual visuals don't extend past some low blows to the nards, which remain chastely ensconced in spandex for the duration of the fight. But even the sight of Jonny sinking his legendary anaconda into Paladin's fish-belly white butt would offer only a slightly bigger thrill for me--for whom wrestling is fucking--than what we get in this contest. This is jerk-off material. This is good wrestling.

We get three rounds, plus some. Jonny has so much fun whittling the giant down to size that he can't stop whittling when the match has reached its official limit. The bigger, the harder, as the saying goes, but I have grossly understated the amount of resistance Paladin offers against his ultimate humiliation. It's give-and-take action all the way through, with Jonny rebounding in the most unexpected ways. And you can't help but feel a little sorry for Paladin, big, dumb, and beautiful as he is, when he's forced not just to submit, but to count himself out!

The other two matches on this release render a fuller picture of Jonny's career at BG East. This is classic Jonny Firestorm, which right there says plenty ... unmissable for his fans, and tucked away in the BGE vault for far too long.

1 comment:

  1. I don't think anyone has a problem with Jonny Firestorm because of his looks, conditioning or size, even with the potentially "willing suspension of disbelief" disrupting aspect of a guy routinely walking all over bigger, fitter and, sometimes, more experienced opponents. I actually think the fact that he isn't a 6 foot tall sculpted musclehunk or a seasoned, 20+ year vet makes him interesting, quite literally unique.

    The thing is, there's just SO. MUCH. of him almost all the time. And I'm not just talking about the many multi-match tapes focused on him (this is, what? The sixth?). I'm talking about how his character is built up as bigger than all others. He's not just a big, great, amazing heel; he's the all-time, top, greatest heel there ever was! The degree of overkill is staggering, even by wrestling standards. And on top of that, almost every one of his appearances gets further chronicled on the blogs.

    I like heels. I like Jonny, quite a bit in fact. I also like jobbers, veterans, wrestlers who worked and retired before 5 years ago, male models, male strippers, shoot fighters, kick boxers, bodybuilders who wrestle in posing suits, gay guys who wrestle for fun and erotic fantasy, straight guys who just want a buck, and, oh yeah, jobbers. It's just so frustrating to me, as a fan, as a writer, as a "student" of gay wrestling who grew up dreaming of a world where "gay" and "wrestling" weren't antonyms, to see so much attention, even if deserved, heaped on the same five guys (let's see: Jonny, Austin, Eli, Jake, Morgan Cruise and Axel/Ethan). I mean, holy fuckballs, I've never seen a single positive post on Rio Garza or Brad Rochelle, especially as jobbers, and they've got TONS of fans.

    Sorry to be a dick, but I think it's worth saying.

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