Titanic

Constantly lurching towards full-on heel status, Axel questions new guy "Ice" Burg's creds, scratching his shaggy locks and complaining that he doesn't see what Bodyslam sees in this new wrestler. (Perhaps somebody should tell Ax that there's always nine-tenths of an iceberg that we don't see.) "He's getting a little desperate, I think, in finding wrestlers," the onetime UCW champ opines about his business partner and housemate. That's cold, saying this right in the recruit's face. "You're right," shoots back "Ice," a well-put-together regular guy, the sort of game yet modest-seeming competitor (like Axel in the old days) that the company's been built on. "Bodyslam was desperate," he admits. "He had to do something to make one of your matches interesting." Zinger. Ouch! ka-Ching!

In addition to "Ice" Burg's snappy and altogether fitting comeback, fans will be talking about three things in this match. Axel's banana-colored (and banana-enhancing) tights, one. Two, the way Burg wastes no time in making Axel scream like the little bitch we always suspected he was, pulling that hair, twisting those balls, punching those abs, and spanking that fine peachy butt. I've never heard Axel yelp in such eloquent agony. Never. This guy needs to get the shit kicked out of him more often. Three, the big bite Axel takes out of Burg's foot (seventh photo, above). Release #310 is a 33-minute match that marks another chapter in the development of Axel's overweening arrogance of late and introduces a promising new face, confident and aggressive and hungry, who may just be the man who can teach the ex-champ some humility.