Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Hola, Chicas!








It helped that his ring name rhymed with "penis." In the 1990s Val Venis, 6'3", 244#, personified sex for me in a way that I could not explain at the time. The guy wasn't GQ. He was heavier than I liked. He lacked the tragically hip soulfulness I found attractive back then. But his super-moisturized body worked a powerful magic on me. His was one of the few wrestlers' names that, when announced, affected me like Pavlov's bell.

In this International Wrestling Association (Puerto Rico) match from 15 December 1999, Val and Shawn Stasiak, 6'2", 242#, define a few things for me about pro wrestling: how to match up wrestlers, how to wear wrestling trunks (two sizes too small so that they ride up the butt cheeks), how to work a crowd to a frenzy, how to rock 'em and how to sock 'em, how to do a ring corner beatdown that fans can feel in their balls (14 seconds that will live in my imagination forever--02:07-02:21), how to carry the fight outside the ropes and against the barricades, how to sell a stomp to the back (long wet hair helps), how to do a rear choke the way it's meant to be, and, most importantly, how to swivel your hips before clobbering your man while he's defenseless flat on his back.

Video of this classic match and other matches can be found at the YouTube channel hotwrestlingmen (it lives up to the name).

2 comments:

  1. Val and Shawn...that's just too much. Just so much...SEX. Shawn Stasiak was one of the first wrestlers who was making it really hard to keep lying to myself about my sexuality. And Val Venis...I don't know if you can use the word "voluptuous" to describe a man? But he seems to fit the bill. Strong and voluptuous like a Rubens painting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Voluptuous" is a really great word for a man. I say so, so it's so. My world needs more voluptuous men in it. Something about this match makes me want to climb mountains.

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