Tyson the Hammer vs Mike Honcho, Match 602 (UCW)
Mike Honcho must have read the UCW New Employees Manual cover to cover because he needs no initiation to the rowdy roughhouse the company is famous for. In this match against the Hammer, Honcho comes on strong, mouthing off and twisting toes like he's been doing this sort of thing since he was in Pampers.
Tyson starts off with a kick to the new hire's balls. That's initiation. From that point on, Honcho's ready for just about anything. At times Tyson looks like he's at a loss as to what to make of this guy, who's a mix of Matt Hardy and the Zuni warrior doll that wrecked Karen Black's apartment back in the 70s. He's got a few rough edges Tyson takes it upon himself to smooth - mainly Mike's lack of respect for guys like Hammer who have been at UCW longer.
After several lightning strikes to his balls, Honcho clubs Tyson down to the mat and tries to take over the show. Tyson has a few things to say about that, and it takes Mike a couple of minutes to come back up for air. In the long run, damages are equal on both sides. Give and take of this sort always rubs my crotch the right way, and the assaults here on are steady yet always somehow surprising.
If he did not read the Manual's small print, Honcho may be surprised that Tyson is a puller of hair and a biter of ears and toes. But the new guy is prepared to fight fire with fire and has a few tricks of his own. The best part of this is that Honcho is plain ready to fight, period, and he brings the kind of vulgar zest and pugnacity to the mat room that's rare in UCW virgins, who are often dumbfounded by the company's savage style. I think of Eli Black, Quinn Harper, and Derrick Cole as notable exceptions - and this Honcho dude is another exception, not cut from the same cloth as anybody but, like the company's best, ready to take licks and hurt a body hard his first day on the job.
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