'Twas the Fight Before Christmas

El Fuego and Kal the Wrestler vs Cheetah Boy and Jason Anders, Match 798: The 2021 Holiday Match (UCW)

This match is virtually impossible to talk about without spoilers. I'll do my best. But if you don't like spoilers, don't read further, don't look too closely at the GIFs above or the still shots on the UCW site; just pull out your credit card and your dick and download this match. Your dick will thank you. This is a 99-percent sure thing! 

Circled by Cheetah Boy, El Fuego, Jason Anders, and Kal the Wrestler, BodySlam introduces a new prize to fight for (a holiday-themed medallion for the match's ultimate victor) and a stipulation match to determine which man is worthy of the medallion. Chance plays a role in the booking as the fighters play rock-hammer-paper-scissors to determine who fights whom. Once the opponents are identified, BodySlam pulls the stipulation for each contest out of a Santa hat. The stipulation determines the type of battle to be fought. As luck would have it, this year's contest begins with a submission match, moves on to a sleeper match, and culminates in a strip match.

All four wrestlers are perfect for these matches. Cheetah is the prankster, seemingly a direct descendent of Joker, but as lusty as he is wild. My personal favorite is El Fuego - hotter than a firecracker and one of the company's three masters of submission holds. (Honestly, I pulled the number three out of thin air. I'm convinced Fuego is THE best ... ever.) Jason is a top-notch seller of holds and has an unmistakable air of villainy about him. Kal, the new guy, is as clean and wholesome a hero as ever has stepped into the UCW ring. He knows how to fight, too, so don't write him off as a pretty-boy jobber. 

Match 798 makes me wish Christmas lasted the whole year.

Visit UCW here.