A World of Hurt

Eli Black vs Austin Tyler, Match 513 (UCW)

I don't think I have ever--ever--seen Eli Black in as much pain as UCW's new stun gun Austin Tyler puts him through in Match 513. It hurts just to watch. At one point late in the match, Eli exclaims "Ow!" with so much intensity and genuine shock it sounds like a howl. I have never seen anybody, at UCW or any other wrestling venue, in as much pain as Eli and Austin recklessly lob back and forth over the course of this 30-minute shocker.

The setup is right out of one of my semiweekly chat-room fight fantasies--only this is the real living-breathing deal. These two guys, with so much knowhow in malicious battery, dispense with pretend-combat and shoot for a Ragnarök endgame, instead. I already knew Austin is miles of impressive and the new big deal at UCW, but I had no idea it was in him to put up this big of a fight against the redoubtable Eli Black!

There is nothing friendly and sporting about this contest, at least not in the ordinary senses of the words. All restraints tossed aside, this fight is like a drumroll of heart punches delivered in galloping succession. It's sexy and macho as goddamn fuck. The final minutes are as close to a life-and-death struggle I ever want to witness outside of Shark Week. Rest assured this match does not end in a draw or DQ. But it is not yet over between these two--that much is almost certain. Match 513 is the opening salvo of all-out war.


  1. Joe, I could not possibly agree more. I am a big UCW fan, and this became my favorite fight on first viewing. I'm hoping for a very long feud between these two.

  2. I was excited to see Austin up against Quinn but two heels in a row? This was an amazing match. Technically equal? yeah maybe, Sexy and Macho? Definitely! Couldn't wait to watch this one.

  3. Austin Tyler looks like the second coming of Aryx Quinn! Shave his curly locks into a military buzzcut, and he looks almost identical to Aryx at that age!

  4. I could not wait to read your commentary about this one--I already wrote to the powers that be at UCW as well as to Austin himself about how amazing this match was to watch! Nothing friendly at all, and Eli (whom I so dislike, in general...) got in plenty of hurt along the way for sure, as only he can, but Tyler stood up to him and kept countering him and, well, I won't give any spoilers, but agreed with the rest of you, this has been their very best match to date I think, and I too, cannot wait for one or more re-matches!

  5. Damn good match. I don't like Eli Black and often want to see his ass busted by a tougher opponent. Austin is damn hot. I like bouts where both wrestlers detest each other. Just get in there and kick some ass.


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