Goddamn Godderz

Jessie Godderz vs Bad Bones, XPlosion, 18 January 2017 (Impact Wrestling)

Many can resist him. I cannot. I have tried. I have argued with myself over Jessie Godderz (30, 5'10", 220#), calling him "plastic," "a joke," a "pale imitation of The Rock," "everything that's wrong with America" (till last November, anyway).

Still, my heart skips a beat every time he steps into a ring. The pecs, the biceps, and the thighs are obvious points in his favor. But for me it's probably more a matter of his beautiful arrogance--that crooked toothy smile, the arch of his eyebrow (better than even The Rock's, I now believe), the cut of his jawline. Oh, and that ass when it bounces (the fifth GIF above).

Here he is up against a superb German heel, Bad Bones (32, 5'11", 229#). Both these guys are terrific. The match, like others showcasing Godderz at Impact, follows a pattern. It's a pattern I strongly approve of--battered babyface turns it all around with a thrilling, out-of-nowhere payback--but it's too rushed for the scenario to carry the weight I'd like it to. As it is, both wrestlers do their best to elevate what is basically a six-minute placeholder between commercials. Stretched out to sixteen minutes, with more time to work each other over, the drama would have more kick.


  1. I disliked him on Big Brother where he played himself, but as a wrestling character, I've come around to like him. He's certainly stuck it out, having been around for some time.

  2. Since 2010.

    Even on BB, I liked and lusted after him, but sometimes I didn't. His physique has always been impressive.


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