The Man with the Golden Tush
The Assassin vs Goldenglutes, Masked Mayhem 15 (BG East)
A muscular masked hunk strikes poses in the middle of the ring, kissing his own biceps. Suddenly, the lights go out. It's pitch black. Ominously, the fight bell rings six times, more like a funeral toll than the opening of a sporting event. "What the hell?" the lone wrestler stammers in the dark. The lights go up to reveal the hunk in the full-nelson grip of a masked wrestler in a glimmering black and red cape. It's ... it's ... it's ... The Assassin!
A muscular masked hunk strikes poses in the middle of the ring, kissing his own biceps. Suddenly, the lights go out. It's pitch black. Ominously, the fight bell rings six times, more like a funeral toll than the opening of a sporting event. "What the hell?" the lone wrestler stammers in the dark. The lights go up to reveal the hunk in the full-nelson grip of a masked wrestler in a glimmering black and red cape. It's ... it's ... it's ... The Assassin!
The Assassin debuted last year as the tall hot bad guy versus Payback. That match ended with an unmasking - two unmaskings, as a matter of fact - the unmasked Assassin managed to dash out of the mat room, his anonymity intact, while Payback revealed himself as the second coming of one of BGE's most popular twinks, handsomer and ruggeder than ever. For me the ultimate unveiling was one of the neatest surprises in the history of underground wrestling.
If you don't know Goldenglutes by the curve of his gold-plated butt, I won't spoil the mystery for you. The guy behind the mask is one of the hardest working wrestlers on the BGE roster, and recently he's entered the indie wrestling world as well. He's not exactly a good guy here - there's always something shadowy and sinister about a grown man in a mask, even a golden one - but he's not an out-and-out heel like The Assassin, who torments Glutes (for short) for three-quarters of this match.
This match is about unmasking, as it should be. I don't see the point of masked wrestling unless the ultimate humiliation is the loss of one's mask, a fate worse than losing the fight. Glutes loses his trunks before either man is unmasked, but then if you know who Glutes is, you know he's always losing his trunks. In underground wrestling, you don't hide an ass like that. Both men come perilously close to losing their masks at one point or another - and this struggle is, as noted, of commanding importance in masked wrestling.
The Assassin is a silent menace. He stomps Glutes facedown to the mat and uses his cape to strangle him. We can't see the pain on the babyface's face, but we hear it in his panicked wails. "Scream!" The Assassin hoarsely commands, and the writhing victim screams. "Can you breathe?" The Assassin asks coldly. Glutes can't answer. "Not for long!" The Assassin wraps the cape around the man's head, smothering. The Assassin flips his prey over onto his back. He straddles the man's chest and neck, forcing the guy's face up to his crotch.
The barbarity! The black-hearted fiendishness of The Assassin! How I LOVE a truly dastardly villain! How I hope he gets his just deserts in the end! The 27-minute match rolls from mayhem to mayhem - choke and body-scissor stretch, forearm smashes, crab hold, and against-the-ropes gut punching. Then Glutes turns on his tormentor, going immediately for the mask! But then The Assassin grabs him by the balls, disabling him. O foul deed!
For three minutes, the villain focuses on the babyface's defenseless crotch. Then, Glutes gets a proper reversal and tortures the heel in an abdominal stretch. The advantage swings from one to the other. Who will triumph? Who will get snuffed out with a chest-to-chest crotch-to-crotch chokehold? Whose face will be exposed to our derision in the end? Who will strut away in triumph?
Oh the exhilarating agony of suspense! And don't miss Wrestling Arsenal's closer reading of this match from last week.
Visit BG East here.
The Assassin is a silent menace. He stomps Glutes facedown to the mat and uses his cape to strangle him. We can't see the pain on the babyface's face, but we hear it in his panicked wails. "Scream!" The Assassin hoarsely commands, and the writhing victim screams. "Can you breathe?" The Assassin asks coldly. Glutes can't answer. "Not for long!" The Assassin wraps the cape around the man's head, smothering. The Assassin flips his prey over onto his back. He straddles the man's chest and neck, forcing the guy's face up to his crotch.
The barbarity! The black-hearted fiendishness of The Assassin! How I LOVE a truly dastardly villain! How I hope he gets his just deserts in the end! The 27-minute match rolls from mayhem to mayhem - choke and body-scissor stretch, forearm smashes, crab hold, and against-the-ropes gut punching. Then Glutes turns on his tormentor, going immediately for the mask! But then The Assassin grabs him by the balls, disabling him. O foul deed!
For three minutes, the villain focuses on the babyface's defenseless crotch. Then, Glutes gets a proper reversal and tortures the heel in an abdominal stretch. The advantage swings from one to the other. Who will triumph? Who will get snuffed out with a chest-to-chest crotch-to-crotch chokehold? Whose face will be exposed to our derision in the end? Who will strut away in triumph?
Oh the exhilarating agony of suspense! And don't miss Wrestling Arsenal's closer reading of this match from last week.
Visit BG East here.
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