Daddy Crusher, Part 1

Muscle Beast vs Biohazard vs Etienne Erik vs Jorge, Special Edition Muscle Beast Part 1 (Wrestlingmale)

One of Wrestlingmale's star attractions, 29-year-old Muscle Beast of Hanover, Germany, declares war on the company's daddies. In the first of two episodes, he enters the squared circle against Biohazard, Jorge, and Etienne, a group of wrestlers whose average age is 54 at a combined weight of 557 pounds (versus the hot young German's 231). Never having been an enthusiastic fan of one-against-many matches or old-vs-young pairings, I have to admit this "daddy's-gonna-get-it" party piqued my curiosity, both in its gimmick and its strapping 6'3" protagonist (I mean, just look at him).

All four men are in the ring. Etienne picks a fight with Biohazard, leaving masked-man Jorge to square off with the Beast. We have two fights going at once - one wonders whether the ring can hold this much aggression. As promised in the online description, the camera stays on the hot young hunk throughout - and as usual at Wrestlingmale the camerawork achieves a level of technical sophistication that makes everybody else look like they're shooting with flashlights and PixelVision. Soon the neat one-on-one pairings fall apart, and we begin to see three-on-one action  as the daddies team up to take Junior down to the mat.

The swaggering Beast's goal is to stack dead daddies on top of each other. The geezer gang intends to split the Teutonic youngster three ways like a pizza. Just looking at the online match description, all you have to do is connect the dots to figure out who wins this one, but who wins is less the point than the sheer excess and mouthwatering hunkritude on display. Now and then the timing is off, but the logistics of such a grand endeavor are head-splitting, so I can forgive a few missed beats. Nevertheless, this match hits me in all the right spots again and again. I can't wait for Part 2.


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