Cole vs Cage

Cage Thunder vs Cole Cassidy, Jobberpaloozer 15 (BG East)

Did you read Cage Thunder's blog posts on this match? (If your answer is no, find them here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. You will want to read what he has to say because he was there and, for much of the time, conscious.) It's the age-old story of "be careful what you wish for" - or, better, in my opinion, "don't be careful or else you will never experience what (I can only imagine) it's like to feel the heat radiate off Cole Cassidy's perfect body as the short-tempered heel-god gives you the licking of your life."

Like a lot of other wrestling videos, this one starts around gym equipment. Cassidy enters, ignores Thunder, and starts stripping down to his trunks, shades, and wrestling shoes before taking on the chest fly machine. Cage quietly works at the leg press. Minutes pass without either speaking. Cole strikes muscle poses. Then, out of nowhere, he attacks Cage, shoving him into the mirror and punching him in the gut. He hops into the wrestling ring and repeatedly fends off Thunder's attempts to join him, eventually crucifying him upside down on the ring ropes.

Thunder wanted this match. He picked this fight, and BG East made sure these two would share the space in private (along with a cameraman and still photographer, of course). I'm not saying Thunder's a masochist. I'm just saying that this is a wasted opportunity if he isn't. Seldom are real-life bullies as luscious as Cole, and few turn assault and battery into art the way he does.

The action spills out of the ring, where Cole tries to turn Cage into a throw rug. He seems to succeed. Then Cage revives, hurls Cole headlong into the squared circle and dishes up some tasty payback. As hope spots go, this one is a whopper, lasting 10 minutes (over a quarter of the video). We must subtract, however, a brief turnaround near the middle, during which Cassidy violently reasserts his heel privilege. But at least hope lasts long enough to give us fans the pleasure of seeing Cassidy forced to sniff the crotch of Cage's trunks.

The beauty of Cole's torso and thighs are small compensation for Cage's suffering, but, on a positive note, it's not me who's suffering. Cole is particularly abusive of Thunder's crotch, so recently close to his nostrils. He also gives the guy a wedgie - a real challenge with square-cut trunks. The heel shuts the match down with a heart punch. Yeah, that's a spoiler, I guess, sorry, but if you read the Catalog 136 or read Cage's blog, you already knew who the jobber in this Jobberpaloozer match is. No description of mine can match the video, which should be watched on as big a screen as you have access to.

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