The Art of the Wrangle

Nick Justice vs Noah Yuckenberg (Wrestler4Hire)

Loud and rowdy wrestling lives at Wrestler4Hire! These good ole boys are not bodybuilders, but they are steam-shovel big with a taste for rough that's equal to their taste for deep-fried, buttered, and sweet. This is the sort of human demolition derby I remember from mid-70s Championship Wrestling from Florida. Obviously Nick Justice has the bigger dick, so the next 21 minutes will be tough for newcomer Noah Yuckenberg, who is subjected to eye gouges, finger splits, shin kicks, and nostril hooks. Good thing Noah ain't delicate!

Justice enters the ring, grumbling, "What in the actual titty-fucking fuckin' fuck singlet-wearing McDonald's-looking Big Mac motherfucking bullshit is THIS in MYYY ring!" (I hope my transcription captures the Samuel L. Jackson poetry in all this.) "Your ring?" asks Noah, which, you have to admit, sounds basic as Sunday school next to Nick's baroque fulminations. "I am the most sadistic motherfucker you will ever meet," Nick talks over Noah's remark. "I spend my entire life in my dungeon. And when I have to come out of my dungeon and leave my minions, I don't appreciate it. This is the second time I've had to beat the shit out of a little jobber like you because the first one wasn't worthy of being my minion."

I know Nick from the good thrashing he gave to minion-wannabe Jacob Van Acker in a match I watched at the beginning of the year. Noah is new to me, but this 2019 video is not his first appearance at W4H. Nick offers him the chance to skip the fight and become Justice's latest minion, but the rosy-cheeked jobber refuses to back down. Within seven minutes, Nick works up a silvery sweat, making Noah's life a thick-crusted misery pie. The thunder-sized rasslers make the ring quiver, roar, and squeak, exactly what I was in the mood for, wasting as little time as possible on circling or posing. The sloppy abandon of big, mean wrestlers is like nothing else in wrestling.

Nick's detail work is tasty, aided by some good closeup camerawork, too. Whether digging his elbow into Noah's back (6th shot above) or choking him with singlet straps (his own, ninth shot, and Noah's, last shot), Justice fine-tunes his sadism to counterbalance grander gestures like suplexes and corner work. His techniques may date back to the carny matches of the early 1920s, but Nick is so in-the-moment he makes them look new again.

I am glad Wrestler4Hire is heeding the call for burlier, more brutal wrestlers like Nick  I wonder if he will hold up against fighters his own bulk and disposition like Jaxton Wheeler and Guido Genatto.

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