No Gut No Glory

Callum vs Yourek 1 (Wrestle4aFee)

Standard practice is to train heels with a steady diet of pretty but feckless young jobbers, easily destroyed. I would think it's far better to set an aspiring heel against another aspiring heel. In that way they learn to be devious as well as cruel. Here we have a match between two ambitious wrestlers who were soon to be Wrestle4aFee's finest humblers of men: Callum and Yourek (aka Dimitri). In this match, they took to each other like Siamese fighting fish in a Dixie cup.

Though Callum is the taller, he and Yourek have similar builds, which is to say they are doughboys - more specifically, doughboys from Hell. Eight years ago, Wrestling Arsenal (my encyclopedia of choice in matters pertaining to wrestling) defined doughboys as"soft-bellied jobbers - the clumsy doormats and submissive punching bags that many wrestling fans simply dismiss or laugh at."  By contrast, doughboys from hell are not so much clumsy doormats as soft-bellied wrecking balls - I'm thinking Ivan Koloff, Harley Race, and Terry Funk, WW2 babies who became walking talking A-bombs in the 1960s. Nobody laughed when Koloff, Race, or Funk entered the ring.

My response to soft bellied men is attraction that I used to misread as repulsion. The image-makers taught me that only slim, firm midsections were attractive. What I sensed physically was not repulsion but a desire to throw my fist into that spectacular gut to start something. Quite oblivious to what my brain was telling me, my penis wanted to dry-hump it like a pillow at bible camp. Callum and Yourek are not round-bellied* like Dusty Rhodes, but they carry enough body fat to jiggle - and a little jiggle can be attractive in a man, especially when he throws his shoulders back and leads with his gut, daring anybody to try and start something. Such posturing is the physiological equivalent to having a chip on your shoulder.

Tough burly guys like these make me think of back-alley brawls and death-matches, while slimmer fighters make me think (initially, anyway**) of swim meets and fashion week. The moves in these GIFs are standard issue. What stands out is all the heart Yourek and Callum put into performing them. Just watching rough manhandling like this feels like somebody blowing kisses to the back of my balls. Yourek's comeuppance is twice as sweet because of all the hard work he put into richly deserving it. You don't hone menace like this by picking on 98-pound weaklings.

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* Large, round bellies I find intimidating in the same way I'm intimidated by competition weightlifters - it's fear mixed with excitement.

** Eli Black, though. God-damn Eli Black.