Kelly King Takes Out the Trash

Kelly King vs Leon Cyrus, Florida Fights 9 (BG East)

Kelly King looks like Texas to me. More specifically, he looks like a statue of Jim Bowie chiseled out of Texas pink granite. If that doesn't sound like "hot" to you, let me say it looks like "hot" to me. An injury stunted his pro wrestling career several years ago, though Cagematch lists an appearance as big, sexy Josh Woods's partner in a Florida show eight months ago. I have no idea whether he fights anywhere on a regular basis. His BGE matches almost always do the trick for me, and here he takes on Leon Cyrus, a Swiss dude who's a match for Kelly in height, though weighing considerably less, with considerably less ring experience, too. I guess we know how that goes.

Kelly is an intimidating presence. His physique, though smooth as a doll's, would scare off most challengers. He looks like he could beat up a steer. Still, those luscious bulges beg to be pounced on. Leon is only halfway through the ropes before Kelly attacks, waltzing the guy around in a choke hold before pushing him to his knees and sleepering him. This takes seconds. Kelly strikes a double biceps pose (first shot, above) while Leon groggily regains consciousness. Cyrus is barely on his feet when King chokes him out again - a long, painfully prolonged knockout that reaches its climax in the ring corner (second shot).

I don't know the Swiss word for "chump," but that's what Kelly makes of Leon in the first minutes. Leon doesn't improve his situation by saying "Suisse  rules!" even as the big tough Texan is scrubbing the mat with the guy's butt. Cyrus must like getting his ass kicked, and given his opponent's macho pulchritude, I cannot criticize the rookie for making the most of some pretty awesome body contact. His tune changes to "U.S.A. rules!" pretty quickly, though, and the poor pale oaf just gets stomped on for it. Kelly puts him in a figure-four leglock to get him to pronounce "U.S.A." correctly. Even after he gets it right, Kelly makes sure he suffers a bit more before releasing the hold.

Kelly's expressionless meanness is the key to his sex appeal. Most guys would need three layers of black leather to get to the level of cool that Kelly achieves in just trunks and attitude. He is a calm, almost bored dismantler of his challengers. Within a second, his STF forces Leon to submit, but Kelly doesn't care, maintaining the agonizing submission hold for another 23 seconds out of sheer orneriness.

After 13 minutes of crippling abuse, Leon gets a hope spot by means of a stiff forearm to King's nuts. It's a classic act of desperation, but it works. Still it takes a six-minute choke hold to knock Kelly out the first time. Cyrus follows up with several more minutes of payback and even gets to strike a victory pose with one foot on Kelly's chest - and even then, in the guy's moment of triumph, I'm thinking this guy is gonna be dead meat before he knows it. And let's just stop at saying "I was right" - painfully, sweatily, magnificently right. Watching Kelly King cut an upstart down to size never fails to give me a boner.

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