Wha?

Zack Reno vs Cai Li, Match 786 (UCW)

I have to show my idiot card on this one. I watched the whole thing, and I'm not sure what I think of this match. 

What just happened? 

At first, Reno is doing a Tom Cruise thing, pretty hot, if you ask me, but I'm not sure he was meaning to imitate Cruise. For one thing, why would he? Li, who did a couple of Backyard Brawls for BG East a couple of years ago, looks lost - the way an alien abductee might look lost. 

Li and Cruise - I mean, Reno - exchange carnival beads, rewarding each other for popping biceps and showing each other (but not us) their cocks. Then, out of nowhere, one of them attacks the other, crazed at the sight of his opponent's dick. 

?

The rest of the match moves slowly through a series of assaults - not Eli Black type of assaults, more  jerky and robotic. It's kind of unpolished and inelegant. Each assault is like an opening assault, clipped short with no segue to the next, with 30-second breathers in between.

The end is kind of sudden. The winner backs away, looking shocked (but why?), edging towards the exit. It's very David Lynch, at this point. Seconds before, he (the winner, not Lynch) was choking his opponent with a bead necklace and piledriving him to the mat. Then the UCW title card appears, asking, "Do you have any beads? Ready to pass those beads on?"

I have no idea what that means, but if I may, I'd like Zack Reno to come sit on my face.

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