Punked

Gabe Steel vs Paris Philippi, Jobberpaloozer 21 (BG East)

We discover the lean but muscular Philippi stretching against the ring ropes. The guy has a trapeze artist's physique, but can he wrestle? Specifically, can he take down a beefy legend like Steel? Knowing BG East's rookie rituals fairly well by now, I have to put my money on Gabe Steel. Impromptu muscle poses (but are they ever really impromptu?) display Paris's tightly cut muscles and Gabe's trailer-sized brawn. Come to think of it, I'd better double my bet on Gabe. The wrestlers circle each other, eyes locked as if ready to carve laser cuts into the other guy's flesh.

They lock up, and Gabe shoves Paris into the nearest turnbuckle, backs up and then charges like a bull, but deft Paris slips out of harm's way, causing Steel to almost knock himself out when he crashes into the corner. Flat on his back, grimacing, and with a happy bulge tenting the front of his black latex trunks, the big guy hates himself for underestimating the newbie. Philippi locks Gabe's waist between his sinewy legs. A tight squeeze shows Gabe that Paris has muscle. Gabe is trapped. Paris pantomimes smoking a cigarette and shrugs his shoulders jeeringly.

When Gabe breaks loose, he leg-locks Paris, giving the new guy a taste of his own cough syrup, but in bigger portions. It's a long hold, but then Gabe shifts positions to a single-leg Boston crab. Failing to make the newcomer submit, Gabe proceeds to bind his opponent in a camel clutch, which wins him Philippi's first submission. Gabe is sweating like a horse - and, yeah, it's sexy. It becomes clear that Philippi's hope spot is over and done with. A succession of classic maneuvers - the old reliables - proves Steel cannot only lick Philippi, but also leave him for dead after hanging him on the top rope to dry. By this point in the 20-minute match, the loser is basted in his own sweat and dead to the world.

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