Take It Outdoors

Jonny Firestorm vs Brendan Byers, Backyard Brawls 16 (BG East)

Fans of brutal, no-holds-barred outdoor grudge fights must not miss this two-man battle at BG East. It's the best BGE fight since ... whenever either man's last fight was. Jonny is outside raking leaves when Brendan steps out on the deck to breathe some fresh air and instigate a fight, his scheduled opponent a no-show. It starts with a war of words - Brendan denigrating manual labor, Jonny defending it with snide implications that people who don't work (people like Byers, for instance) are worthless.

Having verbally sparred with Brendan at a distance, Jonny drops his rake and gets right up against Brendan, daring the big brute to put some punch behind his condescending words. Words turn into shoves, and Brendan lifts Jonny up and hurls him into a pile of dead leaves about ten feet away. Brendan descends from the deck and weaponizes a rake to choke Jonny nearly to unconsciousness.

What follows is a demonstration of professional-level brawling and a tour of the BG East purlieus. T-shirts peel off and become weaponized as tourniquets. To appropriate Winston Churchill, Jonny will fight Brendan on the lawn, he will fight him outside the Wrestleshack, he will fight him in the lightly wooded area near the lake, and he will fight him in the gazebo. He will never surrender.

Jonny is used to fighting big guys, but nine times out of ten the big guys don't know how to fight - and extremely few fight as well as Jonny. Brendan is big, firmly built, and, most importantly, keen on fighting, maybe more keen than Jonny, who usually attempts to talk his way out of a fight. Brendan doesn't want to talk. Brendan wants to smash and obliterate. 

Visit BG East here.