Monday, April 5, 2010
Match 129: Joker vs James the Never Give Up Kid, with Double-Team on Referee Crazy Kevin (Review)
Two of UCW's best fighters are on the mat, giving it 100%, both top contenders for the UCW championship belt ... and the star of Match 129 is the referee, Crazy Kevin.
He counts slow, he misses one illegal move after another, he can't tell when shoulders are pinned to the mat, he insults the wrestlers' cocksmanship and fighting skills, and he takes a call from his wife in the middle of the fight. No wonder then that Joker and James the Never Give Up Kid decide to team up and take the ref down.
This is one of the most entertaining matches in UCW's slate of matches, most of them great in one way or another. It plays like a lost short subject from Hal Roach's Lil Rascals, with the boys showing off their comic talents, which are considerable, along with their penchant for physical mayhem, which is awesome! It is a definite must-see for aficionados of fratboy-style hazing and humiliation.
It also shows off the bod of exciting new talent CK, 6'0", 170#, as the guys strip off the stripes and pwn his lily-white ass. With a background in exotic dancing and kickboxing, Kev is a natural for the UCW roster. It also doesn't hurt that he looks a bit like this cute white-bread guy I always wanted to fight at bible college but never got the chance--for me, personally, then, this brawl is pure fantasy fulfillment!
The boys reduce this stud to a sobbing dollop of quivering pink jelly three-fifths of the way into the match. What they manage to do to him in the final two-fifths may have the poor dumb ref shitting out bits and pieces of his skeletal system for the next year.
It's a funny little morality tale in its own way. As Joker puts it, this is what you get when you "mess with the big boys." Match 129 is even more of a squash job than 128, but it's satisfying on an emotional level, principally because the setup is so damned fine and Crazy Kevin is so despicable early on as the self-absorbed schmuck who doesn't seem to know shit about wrestling, much less reffing a match featuring two of UCW's finest talents.
I hope we see him back soon, after he convalesces, dishing it out, I hope, as well as he takes it in this vicious two-on-one whipping that showcases everything from hair pulling (the little ones, down low) to towel snaps, wedgies, and wet willies. As for the "group hug" that finishes this massacre, my bet is Kev won't even remember it. At least, I pray that he doesn't.