Sunday, January 29, 2017
A World of Hurt
Eli Black vs Austin Tyler, Match 513 (UCW)
I don't think I have ever--ever--seen Eli Black in as much pain as UCW's new stun gun Austin Tyler puts him through in Match 513. It hurts just to watch. At one point late in the match, Eli exclaims "Ow!" with so much intensity and genuine shock it sounds like a howl. I have never seen anybody, at UCW or any other wrestling venue, in as much pain as Eli and Austin recklessly lob back and forth over the course of this 30-minute shocker.
The setup is right out of one of my semiweekly chat-room fight fantasies--only this is the real living-breathing deal. These two guys, with so much knowhow in malicious battery, dispense with pretend-combat and shoot for a Ragnarök endgame, instead. I already knew Austin is miles of impressive and the new big deal at UCW, but I had no idea it was in him to put up this big of a fight against the redoubtable Eli Black!
There is nothing friendly and sporting about this contest, at least not in the ordinary senses of the words. All restraints tossed aside, this fight is like a drumroll of heart punches delivered in galloping succession. It's sexy and macho as goddamn fuck. The final minutes are as close to a life-and-death struggle I ever want to witness outside of Shark Week. Rest assured this match does not end in a draw or DQ. But it is not yet over between these two--that much is almost certain. Match 513 is the opening salvo of all-out war.