Ring Shark

Rolf Fulton vs Drake Marcos, Jobberpaloozer 15 (BG East)

I'm spoiling nothing by pointing out the obvious. The name Jobberpaloozer  reveals all, and even if it didn't, the booking of Fulton and Marcos together in a ring match would be, in industry terms, a big fucking clue. We should be hearing the ominous Jaws  theme as Rolf creeps up on Drake from behind, diving out of sight beneath the ring apron when Drake turns to look. The six-foot-one heel strikes suddenly and commands the jobber for the full 26 minutes.

That I should find this minimalist narrative as entertaining as I do owes everything to the two wrestlers. Drake is one of the most talented sufferers on the BG East roster. This time, though, his repetitive moans and pitiful grimaces do nothing to make me pity him, earnest and vivid as they may be. Instead, they rouse my sado tendencies, and I anxiously await the moment when Rolf shuts this loozer down. Fulton may look designed for playing the role of "local hero," but the second he bares his teeth or lobs an insult at Drake, it's impossible to imagine him as anything but a heel.

Sweat comes early in this match. Though facing nearly zero resistance from his cowering prey, Fulton challenges himself to induce long-lasting misery through a variety of techniques. I especially like the way he turns his lanky physique into an instrument of torture. His lean muscle makes an excellent snare, one from which Drake cannot escape, except through abject, humiliating submission. The tight, knotty binds I find supremely sexy, especially the more slippery Fulton gets.

So, supposing you have not yet watched Jobberpaloozer 15, I figure you have "guessed" who wins and who loses this one. Let's play a little game, then. How does this match end? Choose one of the following, A. Boston crab submission, B. figure-4 leglock submission, C. leg drop knockout, or D. piledriver knockout. Watch the match for the correct answer, which (a small clue) is exactly the one I hoped for.

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