This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things











Bryan Idol vs Kirk Donahue, Jobberpaloozer 16 (BG East)

Technically this should be a heel-vs-heel match, with Hollywood-glamorous Bryan Idol facing off against recently turned handlebar menace Kirk Donahue, but early on it appears that Kirk has retrogressed to his old decency. Bryan, whose smirk should illustrate the dictionary definition of sarcasm, starts the badinage, while Kirk quietly ignores the snark. Idol suggests a test of strength. "Obviously I'm stronger than you," he exults while bending Kirk's wrists at waist level, toying with him as he lets the guy get close to an escape before forcing the hands back down.

As usual Kirk sells the hell out of suffering, even managing to look sexier in the process. When he manages an actual reversal, Bryan quickly reverses and concentrates his attack on the man's left arm alone. That Kirk has not yet entirely settled into his heel role might explain why he resists clutching a fistful of dirty-blond hair, temptingly within reach of his free hand. Briefly he gets a hold of Idol again, but Idol drops him to the mat inside a side headlock. "I don't follow the rules," Idol proclaims when Donahue pleads for a break when he grabs the middle rope with both hands. For as long as Kirk has been a BGE star, he's surprisingly slow to realize a basic company policy: "No ref, no rules."

We're nine minutes into the 30-minute contest before Donahue achieves his first solid reversal. His grim expression suggests determination and outrage, but none of the pleasure he took in cruelty when crippling Cole Cassidy last year. His blemishless character allows Idol to sucker him into a poke in the eyes that has Kirk blinded and thrashing at his opponent's feet. Again, Donovan shines at suffering under Idol's vicious onslaught. By the time Kirk pays Bryan back, both men are sweaty and red in the face. The last half of the match provides strong give and take, yet with Idol leading. In the end, a piledriver, fleetly executed, decides the outcome once and for all. These bona-fide professionals launch 2020 with a nod to old-school pro-wrestling basics, bracingly paced and sexy.

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