Anguish as a Second Language

Mason Broder vs Drew Harper, Hunkbash 26 (BG East)

According to the catalog description of this match, Mason and Drew are battling for a BG East contract, which is as good a reason to fight as any other. Both are familiar faces at more than one other underground company, but a contract or even a single match at BGE is nothing to sneeze at. The company has a long and distinguished history and a fanbase always hungry for new faces. Mason has his own company in Spain (Hunkbash). He has also wrestled at other companies in Europe and the USA. Harper has wrestled about half of the underground wrestlers active in the USA.

Watching two guys wrestle who have not already wrestled is almost like watching a debut match. We see Drew first, from a low camera angle that makes him look as big as Texas and strong as a tornado. His burly body is beefy and smooth, his dirty blond hair slicked back, wavy, begging to be mussed. The camera loves him. Mason soon comes into view behind him outside the ring, looking studly in jaguar-print trunks. He tells Harper he has traveled a very long way to beat "American bitches like you." He's smaller than Drew, but he's proficient in a variety of martial arts, so he may be a bigger threat than Drew is expecting.

They lock up, and Drew shoves Mason into a ring corner and then swiftly backs off. He invites Mason to come at him, Mason rushes and pivots around to Drew's back, where he forearm-slams the big guy's nuts. The muscleman crumples to the mat and rocks back and forth, moaning as he cups a hand over his crotch. "I don't like cheap shots," he says in a strained voice. "I'm outta here," he says, climbing through the ropes Mason kicks the middle rope, which snaps up, hitting Drew in the balls again. Again, Drew falls to the mat. Mason takes charge for the next seven minutes, aiming one punishment after another at Drew's sweat-streaked physique.

A third of the way through the match, Drew turns the tables on Mason, thus starting a pattern of back-and-forth aggressions that see the fight through to its finish. What at first appears as a bad match in size and mother tongues proves to be the best fight I've seen either man engage in - and I've seen (I think) everything each man has done. The match is classic BGE through and through, though Harper and Broder flavor it with devices of their own. The dominant theme, however, is balls - and, happily, Harper sweats like a pig.

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