Pretty in Pain 9: The Kip Sorell Story

Kip is a handsome (okay, more than just handsome: mouth-watering) challenger with curly dark hair who (seriously, do I need the customary spoiler alert here?) does not have a fucking chance. A can of Crisco at the men's state pen has a better chance of remaining untampered with than this poor boy. But that's okay, because Karisma does a genius job of showing off Sorell's fine points while breaking the picture-perfect physique down for spare parts.

Jake Jenkins looks at Kip with more warmth than he has shown previous competition, but it's warmth without respect for the kid as an opponent. Kip stumbles early on in the match, and Jake pounces. Jake has fun taunting the guy as he stretches and twists Kip's near-ideal physique. 

Maybe Kip grows his curly hair specifically to make it as tempting as possible to yank. I, for one, would not be able to stop myself. But as Guido indiscriminately blasts away at every body part, it stands to reason, then, that all of Kip's luscious physique (limbs, back, throat, nostrils, butt, balls) were designed expressly to be destroyed. If BG East had the eugenic technology to custom build the perfect hapless jobber, they couldn't do better than Kip. 

Four matches into his career at BG East, and still Kip is not broken in. In Ring Hunks 2 he faces fellow body-beautiful Z-Man, the Dorian Gray of underground wrestling. Like Jake Jenkins, Z is close to Kip in build, but like Jenks again, Z is vastly more experienced than Kip. Having done his share of jobbing, Z relishes putting the hurt on a fellow pretty boy. Despite his high hopes for this contest, Sorell spends most of the match getting his ass kicked. Proof that Z-Man does not pull his punches are the swelling pink blotches that gradually decorate Kip's suntan. A jobber-versus-jobber showdown can be fun, as this match proves.

I sincerely hoped Sorell would demolish Lon Dumont in Demolition 18. Dumont's wrestling style is 75 percent blather - and I was pretty much  over the guy after a match or two. Kip is a little bit taller and heavier than Lon, so ordinarily he would have reason to hope for an advantage over his opponent. However, Dumont seldom if ever loses, and despite his gee-whiz breathlessness when introducing himself to Kip, Dumont wants nothing more than to be Kip's worst nightmare. Kip gets no breaks here. His fate is to suffer, but as usual he suffers gorgeously.

Kip Sorell starts out strong in Sleeper Surrender, perfectly matched in height and weight to his opponent, hairy-chested Zach Reno. It looks like Kip has a fighting chance for once, especially considering that by this point in his BGE career he had seemingly paid his dues. No one is more surprised than he when, in fact, he succeeds in trapping Reno in a camel clutch and rather quickly knocks him out. The match is not over, however, and comeuppance is assured and soon to raise its anything-but-ugly head, as Reno's beauty snuffs out Sorell's.

If there is a recurring theme at BG East, it's that life is not kind to pretty boys. No clearer expression of this axiom can be found than pitting Kip Sorell against Brute Baynard, a man I found personally intimidating the one time I asked him for directions to the BGE fight space. If the look on handsome Kip's face above expresses anything, it is hopelessness. In Bearhug Beatings 2, even the title stacks the deck against him. Survival is the best Kip can hope for at Brute's hands. Victory is not an option.

It's an honor to get beat up by Kid Karisma, Jake Jenkins, and Guido Genatto - the consonance of their names suggests as much - and Big Barry Burke is the man, if one absolutely needs to get beaten up, to do it. The names on the card foretell the outcome of this, the opening match of Demolition 20. The title of the series is a sinister promise. Somebody's getting demolished, and it sure as hell ain't BBB. Once again, Kip sells every assault feelingly. Once again, Kip's suffering inspires pity and lust.

Demolition 21 was voted Best Squash of 2016. Flash LaCash can't wait to get his hooks into beefy beauty Kip Sorell. As the catalog description of this match indicates, Flash could demolish Kip without having to think about it, but he is totally in the moment as he bends, grinds, and snaps the mouthwatering jobber. LaCash doesn't miss a trick, but it's Sorell's heartrending agony that draws the eye. As much as I would love to see Kip kick ass, it's a match like this that makes me relish his continuous and many-layered pain.

I'm not an enthusiastic consumer of squash jobs, but I try to keep an open mind. It's hard to expect anything other than a squash with Kip pitted against Dev. "We don't have all day," Kip whines as Dev stalls, contemplating his mirror reflection. That's optimistic. My guess is that the Kipster doesn't have even a half-hour. 

There's no end to the damage Fulton inflicts upon the babyface. Ear pulling, trunk tugging, hair yanking, eye poking,  nostril hooking, these aren't a third of the torments he afflicts Kip with. Halfway through the 24-minute match, Fulton's shoulders gleam with sweat, sweat acquired through his steady bombardment of Sorell's sore-as-hell body.

The last act keeps us waiting to find out who demolishes whom in the end - though the cues are in place for the usual Demolition hierarchy of heel (Coop) over babyface (Kip). Sorrell puts up a good counter-fight - more pugnacious than I had ever seen him, 

The switch from fun-loving to ass-kicking occurs gradually, but the growing intensity is palpable even from the vantage of an onlooker. It's clear these two have advanced from the woodenness of their earliest matches. These guys know scissor holds the way Popeyes knows chicken. It's only in the last five (of 28) minutes of the match that the battle cuts loose and gets wild.